Archive for December, 2009

Would You Stay In A Relationship You Were Unsure Of?…Hmmm

Posted in Cinta Sejati, Coretan Harian, Kehidupan Ini, Memori, Oh! Insan Bergelar Wanita on December 30, 2009 by sweetylittlebooboo

How long do you stay with someone when you’re no longer sure of their feelings?

He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not. I’ve never been one to question whether or not I have feelings for someone, but I can’t say the same thing about questioning if someone has feelings for me.

I know when I’m in love – I just know. There’s no doubt in my mind that whoever I am with is the one for me. I’m going to give them everything I have for as long as I can, because that’s what you do when you’re in love. You don’t give up. You spend every second you can putting a smile on their face, or picking them back up after they’ve fallen down. You make sure they know how much you care for them, that there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for them. You love them, and there’s no doubt in their mind that you do.

As fate would have it, I’m in a relationship right now where each day I’m left questioning whether or not my boyfriend really loves me. He says the words, but his face and his actions say something different. I feel like I’m struggling to breathe around him when I try to make him laugh or ask him what he wants to do that night. I’m fighting for us, but I just feel like it’s a battle that I’m going to ultimately lose. Are relationships supposed to be this hard?

It didn’t used to be this way. I remember the days when he run up to me in the hallway at office just to say hi. People thought we were fools, but I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I had someone who loved me, and I loved him back. We’d hold hands even we were sitting next to each other, he’d call me just to say hello when he was thinking about me, and he told me that there was no one else in the world who could make him feel the way I could. But that’s over…

Now, I wake up in the middle of the night wondering if today is going to be the day that he ends it all. When I’ve addressed the changes in our relationship before, he just got angry and yelled, “Of course, I love you!” and stormed off away from me. That didn’t feel like love, not the kind I once knew with him. There’s a part of me that wonders if I should just end things now. I don’t want to be weak, and I certainly don’t want to be walked all over. But how do you give up on someone like that? We were so good together once, who says we can’t get back to that happy place?

I guess in the end I’m just left wondering if you should stay in a relationship that you’re unsure of? How do you know you’re not wasting your time or theirs? All I want is love, to be in it and to know that it is true.

Aquarius Horoscope 2010

Posted in Uncategorized on December 28, 2009 by sweetylittlebooboo

This 2009 have come to the end, the new year of 2010 will come just about a few more days…im browsing some articles in the web, suddenly i read bout my astrology for 2010….haha…i wanna share it with u all….

Rebuilding and realigning emotionally are your key issues this year with Saturn, the planet of hard, cold reality, in your 4th House of Roots and Foundations. Problems at home or in establishing a sense of safety and security can be resolved by reflecting on how you reached this point. Looking deeply into your personal history can be a painful process. Opening up old wounds may be the last thing you want to do. But this work, when done in a compassionate manner, will make you stronger and create a more solid foundation upon which to build your future. With the power of your own insightfulness or the support of a counselor or therapist, you can unravel knots that have inhibited the flow of your full creative potential. Regardless of the limits of the people closest to you or the barriers you encounter professionally, you have the capacity to turn the course of your life in a more fulfilling direction. This is not a process that can be rushed, because slow-moving Saturn in systematic Virgo requires changes of habit that can’t be completed overnight. Taking small steps can test your patience, but consistent patterns of healthy self-awareness will eventually add up to a giant leap of consciousness that expands your opportunities for success.Generous Jupiter is not giving away the store this year. This outgoing planet is somewhat restrained in practical and goal-oriented Capricorn, and its passage through your 8th House of Intimacy and Shared Resources is a graduate-level course in the meaning of relationships. Being clear about your goals in a partnership is essential, since anything less than a well-defined purpose can limit the benefits you collect. You receive the emotional and material rewards of joining forces when you know what you want and establish a plan to get it. In return, you need to commit to doing the hard work necessary to earn and keep the trust of others. If you are not willing to stick around when the going gets tough with someone, it may be wiser to not get started at all.

A Solar Eclipse on February 6 and a Lunar Eclipse on August 16 occur in your 9th House of Philosophy and Religion. Both are conjunct Neptune, the planet of ideals and dreams. These eclipses can strip away your illusions about a belief system or a revered teacher. However, a hunger for answers can lure you into following a new spiritual path that may not be all it seems. Connection with the divine does not require a human intermediary or a specific set of doctrines or rituals. If you feel abandoned in your faith or uninspired by your life, don’t look for someone else to show you the way. The magic of metaphysical meaning is all around you — in every cloud, tree, bird and child. If you allow your critical mind to step out of the way, and simply feel yourself in the world, you can experience the sense of communion that you seek.

…………….

Posted in Coretan Harian, Uncategorized on December 28, 2009 by sweetylittlebooboo

You cannot love in seasons. Like choosing weather for your holiday which suits best for your hair and skin.

You cannot decide to chase after a bus after you just missed it, when in fact it has been waiting at the stop for you for plenty of times.

But if you do decide the journey’s worth taking, perhaps the bus is worth running after, in hope that the driver would see you through the mirror on the side. Only you’d rather give up before you even crack a sweat?

Some people don’t follow the rules. Or maybe they’re not worth following.

My lips are sealed. Assume. Let your imagination carry you away.

As people keep blaming and assuming, for the first time, this time, I will NOT explain or defend.

My lips are sealed. Assume. Let your imagination carry you away.

……Adakah Perempuan Insan Lemah….???

Posted in Coretan Harian, Kehidupan Ini, Oh! Insan Bergelar Wanita, Sekadar Renungan with tags , on December 23, 2009 by sweetylittlebooboo

Saban hari, semakin sakit hati dan malas nak ke pejabat…Tak tahu kenapa perasaan ini wujud dihati???….Adakah sudah jemu dengan pekerjaan ini? Tapi tidak sebenarnya, me terlalu sukakan keje ni, namun ada beberapa perkara yang buat me rasa seolah-olah tak diendahkan.

Me ingat lagik waktu me mula2 keje, me ingin mengisi masa lapang sebelum menyambung pelajaran di peringkat ijazah ataupun menerima tawaran keje yang lebih baik. Me hanya bekerja dengan jawatan pembantu penyelaras sahaja dengan gaji sebanyak RM700 walaupun mempunyai diploma. Tapi me tak kesah sebab me suka keje ni, sebab me boleh kenal dan belajar berinteraksi dengan orang ramai. Sebab me tau, me agak pendiam dan berat mulut untuk berkata-kata dengan orang yang tidak rapat dengan me. Oleh sebab tu, melalui keje ni sedikit sebanyak me dapat belajar semua perkara. Me kenal ramai orang dengan pelbagai ragam.

Tak sampai beberapa bulan, unit me digabungkan dan secara automatik me dinaikkan jawatan. Alhamdulillah, ini mungkin rezeki me kerna kalau diikutkan me tak dapat tapi disebabkan salah seorg staff ingin menyambung pelajarannya, maka jawatan itu milik me….Itu apa yang sering diperkatakan org lain terhadap me. Namun me tak hiraukan, cos rezeki di mana2…biarlah apa yang org cakapkan…

Tahun 2009, segala-galanya berubah….dari seorang kawan berubah menjadi lawan….dari seorang rajin berubah menjadi pemalas….Itu apa yang me rasakan skang dan berbeku dihati ni terlalu lama…Me sedih sebab kawan yang rapat dulu telah mulai renggang hanya kerana hasutan pihak ketiga dan prestasi keja. Bila melibatkan prestasi keja, semua mula tidak puas hati dan mula mengata keburukan masing-masing. Me x kesah kalau dorg nak bersaing dengan me, tapi biarlah secara adil dan bersih. Jangan sekali-kali menabur fitnah dan kata-kata yang menyakitkan hati. Tambahan pula, bila kata-kata tu, me tak dgr sendiri tapi disampaikan oleh org luar. Terasa berbukam aje hati ni. Nak dimarah tak sampai hati. Me tak suka nak marah-marah sangat sebab me tau kalau me marah or meradang boleh buat org lain benci me. Me taknak org benci me, sbb me ssh nak benci org. Tak kisah berapa byk org tu buat me, me tetap treat them nice especially in works cos me jenis think & do it professional. No hard feeling.

Tapi apakan daya, semua ni hanya me boleh bertahan smpi pertengahan tahun sahaja. Me jadi insan yang lemah selepas kematian arwah Mak Ndak dan kebetulan terlalu banyak perkara yang berlaku dalam pada masa yang sama. Tetiba me rasa seolah-olah me jatuh ditimpa tangga, tinggal belum dihempap bangunan aje…..Terlalu banyak dugaan yang me hadapi dalam tahun ni. Terasa jiwa & diri ini dah tak mampu bertahan lagik. Keadaan semakin huru-hara apabila nama me seringkali dipetik-petik org hanya kononnya disebabkan perangai me. Me mengaku me bukan baik mana, me clubbing & smoking. So what? Jahat & buruk sgt ke dimata org?….For me, jahat & buruk org bukan manusia yang menilai, hanya Tuhan yang Satu yang berhak menilai pahala & dosa setiap umatnya. Kita sebagai umatnya hanya perlu menjalankan segala apa yang telah Tuhan amanatkan. For me, semua itu terpulang pada individu itu sendiri.

Cuba kita fikir semula, ada org keja merompak sana sini tapi selalu bantu org lain…mungkin duit yang diberikan tidak halal tapi niat dihati masih suci…Ini kan pula orang yang tutup diri penuh sempurna tapi hari-hari menabur fitnah & anyam ketupat perihal orang lain. Pada me, sama je kesimpulan yang dibuat. Baik yang ni, buruk yang ni, baik yg sana, buruk yg sana…..So takde perbezaan antara semua org…Kite hanya perlu sedar kedudukan kite dan beringat, kite bukannya sempurna….masih ada kekurangan yang perlu dibaiki.

Berbalik pada luahan hati me…Apa yang me rasa skang, kesenangan di tempat keja berubah menjadi bahang dan kesesakan untuk bernafas walaupun hanya seketika di dalam ofis. Me pun tak tahu kenapa perkara ni jadi sebegini. Cuma me terkilan, disebabkan me tak banyak buka mulut, selalu me diperlekehkan. Kekdg me rasa me tak perlu tunjuk pandai sebab ini lagi mendatangkan kemarahan mereka. Sampaikan satu masa, org boleh berkata me pandai aircond “Boss” dan pandai layan org ni, org tu….Secara jujur me katakan, me tak pandai buat semua tu, me lagik suka berterus-terang dan fikir secara rasional dan memberi pendapat kepada semua org. Namun, me tak sangka semua itu, disalahertikan.

Pada mulanya me tak endahkan tapi makin lama makin menjadi2…Adakah sebab me seorg perempuan? Dan tak layak diberi tanggungjawab or beban keje untuk sesuatu program?….Jika dipertanggungjawabkan, mesti org fikir me banyak bodek org atasan….For me, it is nonsense. I want to do it cos i want to learn and still learning process. Cos, now kita hidup zaman alaf baru, why fikiran nak mcm dahulu kala? Think positive la and move forward, one step ahead…Not do it backward…Tak kan nak hidup ni takuk yg lama. Mcm mana pun, me tetap bersyukur dan berdoa agar me tabah hadapi semua dugaan ni. Me akan cuba kuatkan semangat tak hiraukan semua ni…For those yg baca blog ni, me hanya ingin luahkan perasaan me sahaja. Bukan untuk menyakitkan hati sesiapa. Mungkin cara ni sahaja yg dpt melegakan hati dan melapangkan apa yg terbuku dihati me. Me mohon maaf jika tersilap kata dan terkasar budi bahasa. Doakan me tabah hadapi semua dugaan dalam kehidupan ini dan menemui kebahagiaan dan ketenangan hati.

Sekian

….Missing My Besties…..My Life….

Posted in Coretan Harian, Kehidupan Ini, Memori on December 21, 2009 by sweetylittlebooboo

Ijan, Kechik & Teh

Hari ini, tetiba rasa rajin nak blogging setelah sekian lama tak blogging kerna sibuk dengan keje. Saja-saja tengok2 kawan2 punye blog, especially one of My Besties’s blog – Nurliena (kechik). Me baca blog title “RECENTLY”, tetiba terasa sedih cos tak dpt join dorg that time waktu Nad’s Wedding in Subang disebabkan komitmen dengan keje. Terasa rugi dan menyesal. Rase sunyi dan sepi melanda di hati….. 😥

Sebenarnya, selama ini me sangat rindukan My Besties. Me teringat waktu blajar kat Uitm, bila me ada masalah, dekat dorglah me selalu luahkan….My Besties yang slalu bantu me bila masa me stress, depressed and susah. Tapi sekarang tidak lagi, me terpaksa simpan sendiri sakit hati ini. Me sendiri yang ubati luka me sendiri….Sebab me xde sape2 yang boleh gantikan tempat dorg di hati me. Merekalah kawan terbaik di dunia dan akhirat. Me akan sentiasa ingat mereka sampai bila….Ijan, Kechik & Teh….I luv the three of u…

CONGRATULATIONS…..ERNADIA..& RIZAL….!!!

Im Happy For Them…Sorry for not attending ur wedding….huhu

Happy tgok muka my oldclassmate in Uitm….