Archive for the Cinta Sejati Category

Would You Stay In A Relationship You Were Unsure Of?…Hmmm

Posted in Cinta Sejati, Coretan Harian, Kehidupan Ini, Memori, Oh! Insan Bergelar Wanita on December 30, 2009 by sweetylittlebooboo

How long do you stay with someone when you’re no longer sure of their feelings?

He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not. I’ve never been one to question whether or not I have feelings for someone, but I can’t say the same thing about questioning if someone has feelings for me.

I know when I’m in love – I just know. There’s no doubt in my mind that whoever I am with is the one for me. I’m going to give them everything I have for as long as I can, because that’s what you do when you’re in love. You don’t give up. You spend every second you can putting a smile on their face, or picking them back up after they’ve fallen down. You make sure they know how much you care for them, that there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for them. You love them, and there’s no doubt in their mind that you do.

As fate would have it, I’m in a relationship right now where each day I’m left questioning whether or not my boyfriend really loves me. He says the words, but his face and his actions say something different. I feel like I’m struggling to breathe around him when I try to make him laugh or ask him what he wants to do that night. I’m fighting for us, but I just feel like it’s a battle that I’m going to ultimately lose. Are relationships supposed to be this hard?

It didn’t used to be this way. I remember the days when he run up to me in the hallway at office just to say hi. People thought we were fools, but I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I had someone who loved me, and I loved him back. We’d hold hands even we were sitting next to each other, he’d call me just to say hello when he was thinking about me, and he told me that there was no one else in the world who could make him feel the way I could. But that’s over…

Now, I wake up in the middle of the night wondering if today is going to be the day that he ends it all. When I’ve addressed the changes in our relationship before, he just got angry and yelled, “Of course, I love you!” and stormed off away from me. That didn’t feel like love, not the kind I once knew with him. There’s a part of me that wonders if I should just end things now. I don’t want to be weak, and I certainly don’t want to be walked all over. But how do you give up on someone like that? We were so good together once, who says we can’t get back to that happy place?

I guess in the end I’m just left wondering if you should stay in a relationship that you’re unsure of? How do you know you’re not wasting your time or theirs? All I want is love, to be in it and to know that it is true.

Love..the mystery it gives.

Posted in Cinta Sejati, Coretan Harian, Kehidupan Ini, Memori on August 24, 2009 by sweetylittlebooboo

As I sit on the floor having my own time with the silence of  the night, there was this question that keeps on knocking into my mind…”why does love hurts?” I am aware that I am not the only one who thought about this obnoxious fact,but really…why does it hurts???

I am no longer a newbie about love and been into couple of relationship that during those time i believed it’s almost perfect…I can still remember the first one which gave me the feeling of having butterflies on my tummy,or that time when he held my hand and I felt like I was the most happiest girl there is on that moment,and oh yeah you remember the time that you feel like the world stops from spinning? or how about that feeling of being on the place they called cloud nine? Those feelings are real we felt it  but they’re all just too good to be true to lasts…that’s what i realized now (but it’s really hard to wake up from this dreamy feeling)…so you experience that? and after wards what? you’re going to devote yourself to your love interest,doing things even those things that you hated to do just to prove your love,commit yourself faithfully and worship them,putting them into pedestal, offering and showering them the purity of your love that most of the time we forgot to leave even a single strand of self loving to ourselves…when we fall in love we always to this: ~ hinking of our gf/bf first before ourselves, the question is…is it worth it?or to rephrase it, does some of them deserve it?

We felt love that sometimes makes us blind to notice that we fell for the wrong person but since we believe to what we feel, we just keeps ignoring those signs that they are not the right one, instead we keep pushing more to make the relation works, we strive to prove that it is really what we think it is and in the end we only suffers. We can’t avoid failed relationships so we have to be broad minded when it comes to commitment but lets face it, no matter how imperfect our relationship was, it still stings once it’s ended,maybe because we have some regrets,the what ifs and the truth that no matter how we avoid or prevent it,we are all  victims of it…specially when we thought that we’re in love with the person but the fact is we’re just in love with love.

I’ve been there, and i was badly hurt, since then i was so cautious when it comes to love matters. Most often i thought, can i run away from it? Or can I just hibernate to be safe from it? Or shield myself with numbness to become exemption and deprive myself from love itself? But time came that i realized this…”I am no fool”..I am just wishful thinker…being hurt by love is tiring…yet again once it knocks I cant just move away now and ignore it instead i welcome love with open arms, love aint that bad all the time, right? This time whatever it takes, I am a willing victim.

…and reviewing this blog i am writing right now leaves me with dumb founded reactions…i cant really point out which is which…all i can understand now is we are all victims of love and we can do nothing with it not to be one…when it comes to love we can’t say no once it strucks, the more you run away from it the persistent it chases you,the more you ignore the feeling the more it haunts you..that’s how powerful it is….to sum it all,go… let yourself get involve in love but dont overdo it…hahaha…  now…. I stop myself from whinning about it…(sigh)….i got tired from running…now i give my self in…tonight…i will embrace love once more…

Just My Luck…

Posted in Cinta Sejati, Coretan Harian, Kehidupan Ini, Memori on August 24, 2009 by sweetylittlebooboo

Everyone in this world has a jigsaw-puzzle-like life. Every fragment represents the things we want in life and is essential to make our lives complete. They could be wealth, power, fame or love. But what could be the hardest one to find? Wealth? It takes great perseverance. Power? It takes great strength. Fame? It takes great persona. But love… it can take us a lifetime to find someone who can replace those little fragments of the puzzle and fill in the missing pieces of our soul.

Lucky are those people who have been able to complete their puzzle without scouring too hard. In some instances, some people were bewildered by the wrong one which had given them that special spark or that fuzzy feeling. Whatever you call it. But sparks may die down like fireworks and the “fuzzy feeling” has always been a subtle sign. If they’re not meant to fit in our lives, they won’t, no matter how hard we try to. We might get amazingly blinded by the wrong one and just pass over the right one and would only realize it after all the chips are down. Usually, but sadly, it’s always too late to get them back.

Well this isn’t about picking the wrong one. Lol. It’s about finding the right one. Just my luck, I have found the very piece of my puzzle that I needed to make my life worth the ride. Hah! My most much-loved person in the world!

I’m so in love—and a lucky girl because he is too! And not just with a quixotic idea of a relationship but a real person in all his flawed perfection. He’s not perfect—neither I. But the good thing is we don’t have to keep up a front to be loved and accepted. Instead, we just have to be our ugly selves without having to worry about the image we create. He can see himself with me when I’m at my worst—so do I when he is—and would still look at me as though I’m wonderful through it all.

He would always chase my thoughts away. I remember going over and over his messages on our working hours—as if they’re more important than reviewing for our post quiz—and unconsciously doodling his name all over a certain page in my notebook. Ack! Next thing I know, I instantaneously felt the warmth on my cheeks! Oh boy I was blushing. Lol.
It’s always nice to be part of an “us”. He oh-so-adorably tells me he loves me and puts me on a high for that, that no one can pull me down from. Lol. In his inimitably cunning ways, I would fall in love over and over again. With him, I have heaps of reasons to smile and won’t look far for one.

It’s true that reality is not as brilliant as fairytales but it has its fair share of happy endings. But our story, it will definitely stick with a happily ever after—just like in fairytales. And those little fragments of our puzzle, it’s a picture perfect altogether.

Blow Me A Kiss

Posted in Cinta Sejati, Kehidupan Ini, Memori on August 18, 2009 by sweetylittlebooboo

Currently I fell in love with this song… 🙂


Its like this, its like that,I got dough, I got stacks.
I can buy anything that I need, but I gotta have you for free.
I aint never paid for it in my life so why the hell would I pay for a wife.
I need love, yes I do but this is what I need from you (Ooh)
A brother needs love and affection, a brother needs TLC.
And I aint talking about chili, but I’ll take chili if she don’t want it (Ooh)
A brother needs cooking and cleaning, and when she say she loves me she means it.
Her insides pretty, hey hey (Oh!)

And if thats you, blow me a kiss to let me know if you feeling me.
You can do better then the scrub your with, babygirl all that you gotta do is blow me a kiss.
La da da da da da.
La da da da da da.
La da da da da da.
Blow me a kiss.
La da da da da da.
La da da da da da.
Blow me a kiss.

I’m ’bout this, I’m ’bout that.
I have O’s, I spit stacks.
I’ve had everything in my life but I’ma have you tonight.
Yeah I’ma have you, you.
I need love, yes indeed.
But this is what you get from me (Ooh)
I’ma give you love in direction, you can be my PYT.
I ain’t talking about Thriller, but I can be your thriller if you want it (Ooh)
I don’t need no cooking or cleaning, we can get a maid if we need it.
Cause I’m on my (?), hey hey oh.

And if thats you, blow me a kiss to let me know that you’re digging me.
You can do better then the scrub your with, babygirl all that you gotta do is blow me a kiss.
La da da da da da.
La da da da da da.
La da da da da da.
Blow me a kiss.
La da da da da da.
La da da da da da.
Blow me a kiss. 🙂

I don’t know why???

Posted in Cinta Sejati, Coretan Harian, Kehidupan Ini on April 13, 2009 by sweetylittlebooboo

I hate when I get into these certain states of mind. Where my mind doesn’t seem to know what it wants or who it wants to befriend so that everyone is suspect. My thoughts are paranoid and everyone is not to be trusted with my loyalty. Today or later in the day, I am supposed to be spending my weekends with Booboo. I’m nervous, and worried that it won’t go well cos we’ve been fighting lately. I don’t know why… L. And I don’t even know why I want to keep up pretences that I’m a good person when I am far from it. Now I’m starting fights with Booboo every minutes and I don’t know how to stop myself. How can I not be aware of how this relationship flaw of mine has followed me from the past relationship into this one. Maybe it was always me. Maybe I need some serious reflection and therapy. I am completely aware of how wrong I am for getting mad, but I still watch from the inside how I treat Booboo. And I wonder why he’s still with me. Why would you want to put yourself through such difficulty? Is it really that worth it?

Selamat Bertunang

Posted in Cinta Sejati, Coretan Harian, Memori on January 4, 2009 by sweetylittlebooboo

tunang-iwan2

 

 

My 2nd bro’s (~Angah) engagement ceremony is being carried out today. I’ve never been to any Malay’s engagement ceremonies and I think this is the 1st one. To much of my desire, I decided to look up on the net and learn about Malay’s Engagement Ceremony. “Pertunangan” seems to be a compulsory step leading towards the Big Day- The Wedding Day. Meanwhile, looking at our modern society, western- style engagement has already gained its popularity among the new generation. Making an engagement before marriage is regarded as a romantic moment and could add something unique to the new couple’s life. It also allows the two to better understand each other before they get married. Engagement ceremony accompanied by melodic music and surrounded by friends and relatives, lovers will have an unforgettable long-cherished romantic moment when the man gives the engagement ring to his sweetheart. And of course, engagement could be a start of trial marriage to a certain amount of people with different thinking and cultural background. For some people, after the engagement ceremony, the two will choose to live together “legally” and during the “trial” period, they’ll get to know whether they can live happily together with the household chores. And if they find something wrong in between , they could easily part with each other without worrying much of the financial issue. Regardless of the different meanings of engagement , I truly believe it’s something beautiful and memorable in our life.

Kasih Seorang Ibu Pada Anaknya

Posted in Cinta Sejati, Kehidupan Ini, Oh! Insan Bergelar Wanita, Sekadar Renungan on January 3, 2009 by sweetylittlebooboo

Just a story for us to remember how much a mother’s love to us 🙂

A little boy came up to his mother in the kitchen one evening while she was fixing supper, and handed her a piece of paper that he had been writing on. After his Mom dried her hands on an apron, she read it, and this is what it said:

For cutting the grass: $5.00
For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00
For going to the store for you: $.50
Baby-sitting my kid brother while you went shopping: $.25
Taking out the garbage: $1.00
For getting a good report card: $5.00
For cleaning up and raking the yard: $2.00
Total owed: $14.75

Well, his mother looked at him standing there, and the boy could see the memories flashing through her mind. She picked up the pen, turned over the paper he’d written on, and this is what she wrote:

For the nine months I carried you while you were growing inside me:
No Charge

For all the nights that I’ve sat up with you, doctored and prayed for you:
No Charge

For all the trying times, and all the tears that you’ve caused through the years:
No Charge

For all the nights that were filled with dread, and for the worries I knew were ahead:
No Charge

For the toys, food, clothes, and even wiping your nose:
No Charge

Son, when you add it up, the cost of my love is:
No Charge.

When the boy finished reading what his mother had written, there were big tears in his eyes, and he looked straight at his mother and said, “Mom, I sure do love you.” And then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote: “PAID IN FULL”.

p/s ~ Lessons to be learnt:

You will never how much your parents worth till you become a parent

Be a giver not an asker, especially with your parents. there is a lot to give, besides money.

IF your mom is alive and close to you, give her a big kiss and ask her for forgiveness. If she is far away, call her. if she passed away, pray for her.

“God bless my mother, all that I am or ever hope to be I owe to her.”